3 more Days

Jordan has a blood infection along with his urinary tract infection. He was his usual energetic self but definately ticked off this morning. He is not feeling good. That earns us at least 3 more days here. The surgery will probably be Wednesday as long as the antibiotics are clearing things up.

Back at Children's

Well we missed Saturday, but we hit every other day last week and Thursday twice. Jordan has a urinary tract infection. I am sick of writing bad news so I'm just going to brag about Jordan for today. He has amazingly more strength and energy than me. He is so sweet to all the caregivers here saying "Hi" and "Bye" to everyone he sees and always wanting to visit his favorite nurses. He willingly holds out his leg for blood pressures and loves to push the button on the thermometer. He is usually found running up and down the halls happy most of the time, even on chemo, even when he doesn't feel good. He loves to give me hugs and squeezes my shoulders over and over saying, "my Mom." He is an amazing little boy and while it breaks my heart that he is spending his childhood on the cancer ward I am so thankful and proud to be his mom.

Back to the ER

We went to the emergency room last night because Jordan was just having too much pain. They put the catheter back in and actually it was a very smooth night unlike the last time. He is doing much better. They are going to put a different kind in next week that is actually a surgical procedure but it should work and allow him to heal from the biopsy better. Next week has just got to get better, right?

A Bad Week

It has been a rough week with too many details to describe. The short of it is we are doing another trial with the catheter out and it has been really hard on Jordan. They expect it to be painful for him, but at this point putting it back in is prolonging the problem so we are trying to tough it out. We had a meeting with the urologist this morning that got both Brent and I down. It is hard to keep going when it seems we are going backwards. I am sorry for all the phone calls I have not returned. We really need the encouragement right now, I am just having a hard time keeping up with all that is going on. We're back to Children's tomorrow and have been everyday since coming home on Monday. What a drag.

Stressful Days

I don't have a lot of good things to say about the past 2 days except thank goodness for my mom and my great friends who have again stepped up to help me when everything is crashing in. Sunday night we were up the whole night dealing with the catheter issue. So far, we have had only good things to say about Children's and have been so grateful for the excellent care Jordan has gotten. Sunday, however, bad nurses, bad luck and a lot of incompentency combined to make a hellish night. One of the worst in this whole cancer experience. We have been home for a day and a half and no sleep, school starting, and piles of laundry have made me feel like I'm drowning in stress. We're back at the hospital tomorrow for an appointment. I think we've got the school thing covered, but it's going to be kind of chaotic until we get into the swing of things. Jordan continues to deal with pain issues surrounding bladder spasms and this stupid catheter. We're hoping they can take it out on Thursday. We'll keep you posted.

My Thoughts

While we were at camp amidst great people and having a super fun time, I said to Brent..." I just want to get in and out of this community as fast as I can. I want to be on the other side." The side that we've been on for our previous life where I am the caregiver and we are the camp counselors. It had nothing to do with the people or the place just the circumstances of our life. And now I realize we are not leaving this community any time soon. I had avoided getting to know families at camp and here in the hospital to a certain degree because it is too hard to hear their stories. Yesterday in a moment when it seemed that there would never come a day without fear and worry and pain, I walked out in the hallway and saw a family I recognized from camp.
She greeted me graciously recognizing I was having a hard time and encouraged me with their story. She reminded me how precious each day is with our children. Next came out the parents of a little girl struggling with her cancer and we all talked about camp, our families, the huskies, life. They seemed like people I had known for years. Their is a bond with those who have walked through the fire and even a joy in sharing the knowledge of what is really meaningful in life. This kind of suffering cannot be explained or understood, but God does reach out His hand and offer hope in unexpected places. I met a friend at camp who was serving as a volunteer there. She had lost her son to cancer 2 years ago. I asked her one day, "Laurie, how are you here? You don't get to choose whether or not you go through a trial like having a child with cancer, but you don't have to be here." She said, "sometimes the best things in life are the hardest." I think that's true.

A Good Night for Jordan

Jordan is doing really well with the new chemo and had a painfree night yesterday with the medications that they gave him. I, however, am feeling like that part in the movie Endurance when the guy reaches the top of the mountain thinking he is almost at his destination only to see a whole range of mountains ahead he must climb. I can hardly believe we are starting this again. My sister and Sean arrive today to visit. We can't wait to see them.